Things that make you go Hmmmmmmmmm..................
Monday- Things that make you go Hmmmmm.
Addie says she has “a good name for a baby boy”.
“Ok” I said, encouraging her. “I’d love to hear it! Maybe that’s what we’d use if it’s a boy.”She smiled quite proudly, looking up at me as if she’d just been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. I couldn’t have been ready for what was coming…
“Nick Jr.” she said. “I think if it’s a boy we should name it Nick Jr.!”.
Tuesday- So very Stella
On a sunny day Stella will wear rain boots to swimming class, because her “feet will be getting wet” and on a rainy day she’ll inevitably be seen wearing sun glasses “to keep the rain out” of her eyes. She also thinks matching colors take priority when she’s getting dressed. So one can usually find her dresses in a variety of stripes, flowers and polka dots between her shorts, shirt and shoes, which will no doubt be in the same color palette in various shades of pink. But today she pulled a classic. “Stella, do you mean to have a purple sock on your right foot and a white lacy sock on your left foot?”
“Um, yes” She responded,..certainly waiting to see if she can get away with it.
“Ok?!” So off to school she goes with two completely different socks.
Oh Stella. So very Stella.
Wednesday- Self Check Out
After this trip to the commissary with the kids in tow, I was ready to check myself out.
There was the usual, “Stella, get off the cart”. “Emory, please put that back.” “No Addie, we don’t need anymore toothpaste!” “Stelllll-a, I said please STOP!” Emory, sit down now!” “Addie?- “ Where’s Addie?” But we got through the list and waited patiently in line for the check out. In line- that’s where sometimes the heat comes on…”No, you may not have candy” Noo thanks, I don’t need this months edition of Oprah’s magazine.” “No, please put that car freshener back on the shelf,…NOW!”
So I was delighted to see that the commissary here in Guam is trying to keep up with the stateside pace. They have recently installed “self checkout” counters. I contemplated,..but in hindsight, I didn’t think that over long enough. Longing to get away from the candy and magazines which the kids were bombarding me with, I beckoned them all over to the self checkout counter- where there was no line at all.
“Hello!” The computer screen welcomed us. “Please place your items on the scanner.”
The kids, who are instantly entertained, immediately climb on top of each other to grab something out of the cart.
Stella comes up with two cucumbers, Addie some cheese and Emory had a green pepper in hand.
“Please place your items on the scanner” The machine continued to hasten us.
I urge the kids to line up and take turns presenting their goods to the machine.
“Please place your items on the scanner or ask for assistance”, I’m feeling more and more pressure by this stupid machine to get the check out over with.
Addie places her cheese on the scanner, but nothing happens. So I coach her a bit, trying to speed us up. “Addie, See the barcode? Place that on the scanner, then swipe it across that red laser line.” She fumbled to find the code and swiped but the code, printed on plastic was bent around the cheese clock.
The machine beckons again” Please swipe your item using the product barcode”.
AHHHH!!!! Ok! For crying out loud! We’re trying!
Stella and Emory grow impatient and run back to the cart to stock up on more items- noting they may lose time in the competition to scan items if their arms are fully stocked.
Finally the cheese makes it past the scanner. It’s Stella’s turn” Please place your item on the scanner” Stella, begins to talk to the machine in her calmest voice. “ok lady, I will”.
(Now I don’t know whether to laugh or scream- it would take a kid to talk to the thing).
Stella places one cucumber on the scanner. “Stella” I coach again, “Put both cucumbers on there at the same time please. It’ll make this faster.”
The machine beckons again and the screen changes, “ Please find your item in the index and enter the code into the screen.” Oh my GAWD! I have no time for this? Index code? What is that? Where is that? What am I doing here? I’m a pharmacist and mom, not a check out girl?
Stella looks up at me perplexed…”Should we ask her to find her own index code mom?”
Suddenly a checkout helper appears, leaning over my shoulder and taps the screen, but she picks “English cucumber” on the screen. I should have just paid for it and moved on, but I had to open my big trap. “Uh, these are not English cucumbers, they are regular cucumbers”. “Oh” she sighs sweetly, here then” Pulling out a key and editing her error, she changes the price and selection.
Stella looks up again “Ohhhh! So you need a key to talk to her!”
Ok, whatever Stella.
Emory’s turn- He, being all boy, hurls the green pepper upon the scanner. I’m confident that I’m now paying for a very broken and bruised green pepper, but who the hell cares. Just get me outta here!
I follow along, trying to weigh the pepper, find the mystery index code, and get it into the bag before the kids can show up with more items. It’s too late. They are ready for the next item.
“Please scan your item and place in the shopping bag.” The machine continues to beckon as I realign the kids to take another go round.
After continuous frustration and confusion over what was and wasn’t placed in the bags after scanning, and what Stella scanned more than once, just so she could here the “beep” sound, I’m positive that I’m paying way more than what I actually should have. The kids loaded the plastic bags so full that the entire cart was stuffed into two grocery bags. There’s no way I’ll make it across the parking lot without those breaking, but I’m going to try anyway.
We make it home. I need to check out. Eventually, I can feel my blood pressure slowly returning to a more normal level. We unload the groceries and I start to prep for dinner.
I can’t believe it- we forgot the meat.
Today we become vegetarian.
Thursday- “One“, “Ta-whoo”, “Tw-ee”
We use a discipline system called “one two three magic”. They say it “works like magic” but this is no David Copperfield program I tell you. There’s nothing magical about it. Frankly, I think disciplining our kids is the least magical thing I’ve ever encountered. We’ve determined the program can be fairly helpful, nonetheless. At least it provides a plan...
The “magic” program is based on getting the child to respond by the count of three and at that point, if the goal is not accomplished, there’s simply a time out. No emotion, just action.
So, Emory, in his “terrible ta-woos” has graciously entered the time out program. He’s actually come to know the process inside and out.
However he’s also the talking little shadow. Every time the girls (aka, “gills” per the shadow) get a tad near a time out, all I have to do is begin the countdown “Addie, that’s one”…and the shadow will finish in his tiny tiny voice from a distant room “Ta- woo”,….” Tw-eeeeee!”
Ahhh, what a great helper!
Friday- Missed Goal
I called about getting the kids into soccer this year. I say this year, because it honestly takes that long sometimes out here on waiting lists. A friend had given me a link to the Guam soccer website and a phone number to call. An Asian lady on the other end answered...
“uh, yes, I’m calling about signing my kids up for soccer? Is this the soccer office?”
“ah, yeah, socc-a. In da feeeld.”
“ugh, yeah, you play soccer in the field, yes. Do you know where and when I can come to sign them up?”
“no, see I’m trying to sign my kids up? Do you know when they have registration?”
“oh yeah! At da socc-a feeeeld”
“oh, at the field? When?”
...a long silence follows.....
“uh yeah- sign up.”
“ok, we’ll sign up at the field, do you know what date and time they sign up?”
“what? Soc-a sign up?’
At this point I know I’m getting no where and am trying to prevent a tone of frustration from entering the conversation.
“Yes, I’m tyring to find out when to sign my kids up for soccer?”
“ah, ya sign up at soc-a field,…bye bye!”
The other end of the line clicks and she’s gone…
Today we moved Emory to a “big boy bed”. It was a long time coming, but we figured, ‘why bother’ since he wasn’t trying to climb out of the crib.
He eventually, developed his adventurous side. Quickly, it became evident that we needed to move him out of the crib. Unfortunately, we didn’t take a nap or get a few nights extra sleep before the transition. He has since graced our presence at 8pm, 9pm, 10pm, midnight, and even 5am. Is it illegal to duct tape a child to a bed?