Monday, January 16, 2012

The Mom Gap - my resume

So, I've been reworking my resume, which is quite tricky writing after a 10 year hiatus of functioning as Navy wife, stay at home mom, and world traveler. There is a woman, Veronica, who I can consult with to review the resume at a local military facility. Veronica said to me, upon reading the first draft of the resume, "Why don't you fill this gap in a bit more with the things you do at home? Those are important things you know! You can tell them you know how to clean the floor. Move your family. You know how to organize and put things away." I thought to myself, dear Veronica, I was once the person on the other side of the table doing the resume reviews, the hiring, and managing of pharmacists. They are not seeking a pharmacist who can stack and fold laundry and clean floors dear woman! The customers who enter a pharmacy could care less if I can tell them where the best souvenirs are located in Guam, or about the easiest way to breastfeed an allergenic baby. Though, unfortunately, I am now certifiably educated in a variety of matters which have little to do with over-the counter- meds, narcotics, hypertension, and flu vaccinations.

On many occasions over the last 10 years, during this 'gap' I have looked straight into the mirror and wondered "How did I get here from the pharmacy counter?" " What am I doing here?" (Then suddenly, a sticky person tugs on my leg and I shake myself back into reality). The 10 year gap is a long and arduous one. But is it a gap? Perhaps from the work as a career pharamcist. Though I cannot commit to labeling it as a "gap" in my life. Not at all. I have gained infinite menial skills during this time.

Current articles suggest that tending to the "mom gap" should be done honestly on the resume, and or, in the cover letter in a few sentences. What I have amassed in 10 years cannot be summaraized in 2 sentences people. As a result, I thought that perhaps, if a potential employer looks upon my current pharmacist resume that I have drafted, and wants to discuss the reason for "gaps" in that resume, maybe I could just send a "mom" resume to explain that hiatus? Here it is. Human resource people, feel free to fire away and tell me what-cha-think. :)

M Hill
Wherever the Navy Sends Us
Anywhere on Earth, 01234
24/7 on call

OBJECTIVE- To clarify the glaring empty gap from a current resume while moving from the role of stay-at-home-mom back into workplace as a pharmacist, with ongoing mother of four duties and living in true military fashion, not knowing for certain where the next assignment will occur or when our household goods will be delivered.

EDUCATION - On the job training began in September 5, 2002 and has been continuous ever since on a recurrent, exhaustive basis. Cumulative educational experience gained as a result of 80+ hours in child labor; 1000+ days of deployments endured (albeit some not so gracefully); Location for educational experience includes playgrounds, nasty rest stop squatter bathrooms, restaurants, the laundry room, and any street corner between Chamorro Village, Guam and Florence, Italy, and Fukuoka, Japan.

Advanced degree in toy assembly obtained by Christmas 2004.

Domestic Engineer 2002- current
Excellent communication and organizational skills as demonstrated by endless recovery of lost blankets, bun buns, and filing of infinite glittered art projects. Competent in any pursuit outside laundry room or kitchen. Successful implementation of time out strategies and pacifier removal. Dominates realm of product safety testing; analyzed 1/2 million cheap plastic toys and items not meant for human consumption (but were weathered in various upper GI tracts). Responsible for home based, non for profit, domestic social experiment; handling all book keeping, photographic records, and customer service department concerns. All disputes and grievances between two or more parties supervised and resolved, based on current law and regulation, with fair and speedy resolution. Expert in crisis management, able to put out fire (literally and figuratively) in record time. Capable of locating and sub contracting personnel so work is completed and schedules are met when work falls outside scope of personal, physical ability.

Pharmacy Related Experience 2002-current
Examined and eradicated wide variety of unnamed, potentially harmful fungus from food containers upon return from husband's office and school backpacks alike. Capable of compounding and preparing colorful, healthy meals in which no items touch each other. Maintain good relationship with medical providers; preserved professional network in all health care settings, to include, ER appearances, dental exams, doc visits and occasional overnight hospital stays. Continuing education practiced on international level while assisting frenzied parents with diagnosis of warts, fevers, need for stitches, eye wounds, hives, molluscum (don't ask), cuts, bruises, scrapes, anaphylaxis and head lice. Parental expert on OTC medications, dosing regimens, medication administration and drug regimen reviews.

Motivational Speaker Cheerleader and Team Builder 2002-current
Life coach and personal assistant with over one thousand lectures to small, unappreciative audiences in locations all over North America, Europe, and Asia, in various languages. Operator of crisis management hotline, encouraging people to do their best and make good decisions. Intense training in washing of uniforms. Excels at 'whooping' louder than other parents in packed auditoriums and concert halls. Realistically conveys enthusiasm for up to 4 games of "go fish" or "old maid". Academy award winning performances for "Wow! You went on the potty!" and "Mommy's not mad, she just needs a little time in her room"

Relocation and Travel Planner 2005-current
Successfully relocated gaggle of small sticky people and 2 large hairy animals, in various household movements, over 24,247 miles, internationally. Unparalleled leadership qualities; led team to variety of successful outcomes such as packing suitcases, infinite airport security screenings, sharing for longer than 10 seconds, and map reading skills

-fluent in English, basic French, baby, toddler, child, and currently in study for "tween speak"
-expert in bodily fluid and human waste removal
-leader in mini gadget repair, backed up toilets, shrew and gecko disposal, jammed zippers, wild boar waste
-Assembly of Thomas the Train track layout in less than 5 minutes flat
-Able to clothe a naked Barbie doll in less than 3 minutes (sans the skinny tights)
-Progressive in suppression of curse words and can bite tongue repeatedly
-Capable of being indispensible one minute and utterly embarrassed the next
-Impressive knowledge of extractions to include small teeth, violin bows from VCRs, quarters from car CD player, and popsicle sticks from DVD player

-Repeatedly rewarded special title "Mom" in years 2002, 2004, 2005, & 2008
-Maintained title for "Mother in Charge" (not unlike "pharmacist in charge") in absence of other employees and throughout deployments in years 2003, 2004 & 2007
-Highest honor "I Love You", granted on intermittent basis from 2002 -2012
Addie, Stella, Emory, Arleigh


Aaron and Hollie said...

I would suggest the addition of: "Attained vast knowledge of miniature colonial architecture and structural relocation. - Christmas 2008"

Fat Pilot said...

You know, that may actually work!! Fantastic!! I love it.

If it makes you feel any better, I have spent the past 8 years TRYING to NOT have a mommy gap by continuing to pick up part-time flying. It has been an amazing mass of stress, lots of guilt, some missed important events, and time away that I will never recover (yes, there have been a few good things to come from it all, but at what cost?).

I have also spent much of that time reading your blog and thinking to myself how lucky you are to have been (wo)man enough to say F it, I'm staying home until whenever I go back.

I have enjoyed your adventures, your education, and your kids. And now I am looking to go back to full time too, and I regret that I was never able to convince myself that it would all work out if I stayed home and enjoyed my life more.

It will all work out for you girl. I know you are smart and know this already and are just making light, but you are a lucky mama!

KT said...

Thank you for giving me a smile today and making me laugh. Adding something along the lines of "medicating for boonie bee stings" should also be included here. "Oh, Guam!" We do so miss you guys...want to know when you are headed back our way. :)

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